Being courted may sound old fashioned, but when you are the subject of a gentleman who courts you, the somewhat negative connotations of being “old fashioned” fly out the window.

Modern-day dating seems less and less open to allowing men to court women which is just so sad. But why? Why aren’t men hankering to show their prowess off when it comes to attracting women like they did in a bygone era?

I had a really interesting conversation with my dad, godfather and brother in law over the weekend who spoke of their disappointment that I live in an era where courting a woman is not something that is expected of men.

They often want everything now and, if women don’t offer it up, they move on knowing that the statistics are in their favour – especially in Sydney.

Many men expect that women will do things that were frowned upon “back in the day”, like take the reigns and organise romantic dates and pay half the bill on a first date (or the whole bill as I was forced to do a few weeks ago. I was faced with a man who simply stated, “I have no cash” as I looked at him dumbfounded and paid the bill to save face at my local restaurant which I had booked when he asked me to plan the date because, “I was a woman and so I’m good at things like that”. I know…why didn’t alarm bells ring then?!)

Now I am the type of woman who always offers to pay half, or takes my wallet out to indicate that I am happy to when I’m on a date with a man. My mum and friends always tell me I should just expect that the man will pay, they tell me that men want to and it cements their masculinity as the “provider”.

That just makes me feel really awkward though, especially if I don’t get “the vibe” from a guy. I mean if I don’t like them and don’t want to see them again, why should they pay for me? I would just owe them then wouldn’t I?

Anyway…back to courting. Let me take you on a walk through the past to Egypt in the 1940s.

I revel in the romance that my grandmother and grandfather shared. If you want to talk adversity, try being a Jewish girl dating an Armenian Orthodox boy in a Muslim country. The odds would be stacked against you on so many different levels but, regardless of all of that, my grandparents were determined to spend their life together.

Years ago when I first visited Egypt, I was proud to hear of the stories people still told of the romance between the jeweller and the dressmaker and I pictured them sneakily holding hands on the bus to get an ice cream together and sending each other notes in their lunch boxes to organise a secret time to meet.

My grandmother, an absolute stunner in her day, tells me that she treated him mean not to keep him keen but because there were so many men that wanted to date her…to court her…to prove that they deserved her affection more than her future husband. Lucky lady!

My grandfather won hands down though because he was persistent and he charmed her like no other man could. That is true love.

That is what I’m waiting for…

I can’t say I’ve been courted before but that is probably because I give in too quickly. I show my excitement and wear my heart on my sleeve too early in the piece, so the man doesn’t have to fight for me, he knows I’m interested straight up.

My motto has always been, why play games and why waste time?

If you read books on dating, they all tell you that this is the biggest no no. They all extol the virtues of treating ’em mean and keeping ’em keen but I just wasn’t built like that. I have difficulty being the bitch and acting disinterested when really I just want to see them and talk to them if I’m interested in pursuing something further. It just all seems so futile really.

The most impressive thing a man has done to prove his interest in ‘courting’ me was fly to Sydney from his home town of Adelaide to take me on our first date! What happened then? I agreed to exclusively date him the second day into his trip! I know…I’m disappointed just reading that back! Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last…long distance wasn’t his forte it seems.

The verb ‘to court’ implies that the process is a little longer than coming up with the goods on one date alone though.

Webster’s Dictionary defines courting as follows:

1. To endeavor to gain the favor of by attention or flattery; to try to ingratiate one’s self with.

2. To endeavor to gain the affections of; to seek in marriage; to woo.

3. To attempt to gain; to solicit; to seek.

4. To invite by attractions; to allure; to attract.

It may all sound very Jane Austen but I want to be courted…like my grandmother was. For when a man courts you and puts in the effort to win your affection, you have more certainty that they want to invest time in a relationship…not just a roll in the hay.

So that is my new promise to myself, to allow myself to be courted. Will patience become my virtue though?

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