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When the person you were falling in love with turns to you in the midst of a teary break up and says, “If only you had let me miss you more, I would have been eating out of the palm of your hand”, alarm bells are destined to start ringing loudly in your ears.
Mutual or not mutual a break up, they are always hard and there are always lessons to be learnt.
Often the lessons repeat themselves alerting you to the fact, once again, that you’re just not bloody learning and it’s about time you changed that.
Sure you can be stubborn and insist that the right partner will love you as you are, warts and all, but perhaps instead, you can look at it as a wake up call and take the advice onboard to shift your actions and change your future.
Like love guru Dr Pat Allen says, if it hasn’t worked for you consistently in the past, perhaps you need to change the way your doing things!
Like the old adage by Richard Bach, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.”
I’m not saying it will be easy, change never is, nor are habits, but if you look at the bigger picture and trust in your heart of hearts that stepping back, especially in the early throes of a relationship, may just be what your future relationship needs, then perhaps it will make it that tad easier.
So here is some advice from a soon to be reformed romantic who jumps into each relationship with such vigour that her heart breaks into a million pieces when it ends:
– It’s ok to be excited when you find that new someone who makes your heart flip but don’t let it on to much to them. Keep it to yourself and your friends instead…for the first few months at least!
– Don’t Facebook your love life…this has been a lesson I continually struggle to learn as a self professed Facebook addict. Sure it may seem like a fun idea at the time to let your social media buddies know that perhaps you have found “Mr/Mrs Right” but if it ends, it just makes it much more awkward for you and your ex.
– Don’t answer every call, even if in reality you are waiting by the phone to hear his/her voice, give off the vibe that you have your own fun and exciting life that your new man/woman is lucky to have a slice of…in your own time.
– Don’t respond to texts straight away. Leave them hanging so that they wonder about you. See point above.
– When he/she suggests a catch up, say you’ll check your diary and get back to them. Don’t be available at the drop of a hat and never change plans with other people to see your potential Mr/Mrs Right, it’s your friends and family that will be there for you if this crumbles and it doesn’t set a good example.
– If a holiday or special date falls within the first few months of seeing someone (read Christmas, New Year’s, Birthdays or God forbid, Valentines Day) keep your plans or make plans with your friends and family rather than relying on your new flame. Sure they can come along if you both feel comfortable with that closer to the date but don’t future plan.
– Whilst day dreaming of romantic holidays to tropical destinations may be exciting in theory, don’t future plan until you are past the honeymoon period and into the negotiation stage of your relationship. Once all that oxytocin (the cuddle hormone I blame for that feeling of love way too soon in a relationship) has dispersed, you may find that Mr/Mrs Right isn’t actually Mr/Mrs Right for you.
– Most importantly…have fun! Stop stressing, analysing, thinking things over and over in your head and live your life. That’s right…your life…you know the one you had and were perfectly happy with before this new flame came along. Don’t waste a moment wondering what they’re thinking, feeling or doing when they’re not with you. All that achieves is mind overload which is not positive for either one of you.
– If things don’t work out between you, for heaven’s sake don’t play the blame game, especially with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about shoulda, woulda, coulda and, instead, take the experience and use it to better yourself and your future relationships. Cher may have sung about turning back time but, unless you’re Michael J Fox in “Back to the Future” time travel is not something that is a feasible thing to wish for. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you did what you did at the time because you felt it was right for you to do in that moment.
Following the advice above is not something I have been good at, nor ever achieved fully. It has been gathered through a myriad of sources and packaged into a one stop shop of healthy lovin’ for you.
My promise to myself this year is that I will follow their advice for a change…but I might need your help to keep me accountable ok?
Do you want to join me in the challenge to change your habits to potentially find that special someone?
Share your journey via Facebook or comment on this post and let me know your advice when starting out in a relationship.
The Path To Mr Right 