Tag Archives: single boy

Dec9

Online Dating Meets Snap

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Image Credit: seaofhearts.com

There comes a time when a fad peaks your interest and you become a statistic.

You can’t say this hasn’t happened to you…Facebook anyone?

A little while ago I became a statistic of the relatively new Tinder.

What is Tinder you might ask? Tinder is essentially an adult version of Snap. Yes I mean Snap the card game you played as a child, except with Tinder the prize is (hopefully) the man of your dreams.

The concept is very simple and somewhat superficial, but, let’s be honest, if you’re at a bar, you’re not looking at someone’s personality are you?

The app links to your Facebook account and accesses your public photos, first name, age and location. It then adds you to a deck of online cards that potential matches sort through and decide if they ‘heart’ or not. If they do ‘heart’ you and you have ‘hearted’ them in turn, it comes up as a match.

Boom, instant love at first sight!

Once you have been matched, you can chat for free…and then the fun begins!

I was privy to very up front chatting topics on Tinder, with the most commonly asked question being, “So, why are you on here Natalie?”

“Gee *insert male name here* I don’t know, because clearly I feel the need to have riveting chats like this to random men who are within a several kilometre radius of me.”

On the up side, the one week I was on Tinder was actually quite interesting. I had phone conversations with a couple of guys and even went on a date with one who was really lovely but we just didn’t click.

I became addicted to seeing who was nearby though and, at one stage, was unsure how I would remember who I was talking to when I had approximately 20 conversations going at the one time! A good problem to have I decided though!

Ironically, I ended up meeting my beau on RSVP a week after joining Tinder, but here is my verdict on what I will dub “adults-only snap”…just in case you want to give it a go…go on, take a walk on the wild side!

The Tinder Verdict

Tinder is a great way to meet a wide variety of men and chat for free. It is harmless fun that might actually end in finding the love of your life!

There are serious men on there and others who think it’s the straight version of Grindr and that posting pictures of their nether regions and talking about their favourite sexual positions is de rigeur when courting a lady. Block those guys (unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case go crazy but be safe and tell your friends what you’re doing just in case!) and navigate past them to the men who are actually looking for their Mrs Right.

There were surprising quite a few on there and, had I not met my current beau so early in the piece on another dating site, I would have gone on a few more dates.

Most of all, enjoy meeting these people whom you may not normally come across. You might make a new friend on the path to Mr Right…

Sep25

The Ex Files

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Photo Credit: mathewboggs.com

Recently, I was given the opportunity to do something that people are rarely able to do, have an open, honest and cathartic conversation with an exes ex.

I have this blog to thank for bringing us together recently and words cannot express how much a simple conversation was able to assist me in the path to truly letting go and getting over a man who has taken up too much of my mind and heart of late.

Whilst my friends and family may think they understand the benefit of being able to share your feelings and experiences with someone who understands better than anyone what you’re going through, I don’t think they completely “get” the delicious ability to connect with someone whom you’ve never met, know very little about (mostly lies it turns out anyway) and whom you are aligned to in a way that few others on the planet are aligned.

It begs the question’ “why?” though. Why did it take a simple conversation with Miss Ex to make me realise that I was completely right in leaving this particular man?

Self doubt can manifest so quickly that it took speaking to someone who had experienced the not so gentle nuances of my ex boyfriend to knock some sense into me. Thank goodness for that!

A fellow strong woman had succumbed to the charms of this well practiced man and I only hope that I can pay it forward as she has.

What questions would you ask an exes ex if given the opportunity? Post your responses here or on our Facebook page!

Side Note…

Many of you have been asking about Mr Vaughn and whether I ever did get that “dream date”. The short answer is no. Mr Vaughn was a very confused man it seems and I told him the best way to describe him was actually “Mr Hot and Cold”!

He would call/message continually, then disappear off the face of the earth until I called him out on his behaviour, made it clear that I wanted to be with a man who knew what he wanted and he said he was thinking about moving back to his homeland of Ireland and didn’t want to lead me on…just in case he actually did move.

Whether that was true or not is beyond me, but, I’m happy to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, knowing full well that, regardless, it wasn’t the sort of relationship I was after.

It was a shame because we really did click in so many ways and seemed to be on the same page more often than not, but what will be will be I suppose! I had fun with him and there are no regrets!

Thank you for your messages, emails and Facebook posts of encouragement surrounding this particular man, it was very flattering!

Sep18

Romanticising the Past

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Photo Credit: photo.elsoar.com
I am one of those people who is always certain of a decision when I initially make it, but weeks, sometimes months down the track, I look back and wonder if I made the right choice.

When it comes to love, that can often be heart wrenching, especially when you thought you were over the guy.

I was in a relationship a few months back that I was certain was with “the one”. He seemed to be everything I ever wanted.

He was sweet, caring, supportive, honest, ruggedly handsome, fun, funny, dedicated and, most importantly in this era of dating, was on exactly the same page as me.

Life was perfect and there were no games. We fell in love quickly and we both fell hard. We were making plans for the future, planning to move in together by the end of the year, he’d met the family and most of my friends and everyone loved him just as much as I did.

We were going to travel together and spoke often of bringing the best out in each other.

It all happened so quickly…perhaps too quickly, but our theory was, why wait if you know it’s right. That has always been a theory I have, especially as I get older.

I had “a drawer” at his place and even a dedicated space in the closet for my shoes and he showered me with gifts that he thought I would love. And I did…being so spoilt was something I hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

So, what went wrong you ask? Why am I not riding off into the sunset with my Prince Charming?

I’ve thought long and hard about it over the past few months, read many a book and listened to many a podcast and, with the help of the love guru, Dr Pat Allen, I have come to the conclusion that I was too “yang” for him.

The subject of yin and yang in a relationship interests me to no end, so I will go into more detail of how that little symbol that we all bore on fake tattoos in high school with pride can affect your life as an adult, in a future blog.

I liken our relationship to fireworks. They seem so calm and almost serene as they soar into the sky, but then they explode with a shocking suddenness. That was us.

I have always considered myself equal to my partner in my previous long term relationships and have often bordered on leading them not consciously, but just because it felt natural.

This particular man didn’t like that and put me “in my place” often. So I found myself withdrawing into myself.

I felt like I was spoken to as a child and his response when I broached that feeling was always this, “I speak to you like a child because you behave like a child”. That sentence in itself proved my feelings and, when I was chastised for doing what I deemed as everyday things like, speaking on the phone, eating out of a takeaway food container or not exercising (ok, ok perhaps I should have been chastised for that!), I realised that maybe that silver lining was much more tarnished than I initially thought.

So, why am I romanticising a man who made me feel like that?

That’s what I’m trying to figure out but, I guess, my heart does not understand what my brain is telling it and such is the way with love.

It’s a process and what I’m starting to understand is that I shouldn’t feel guilty for leaving a man who didn’t make me feel whole. Whilst there was much beauty in our time together I can’t regret making the decision I did because, if I had continued who knew what a shell of my former self I would have become down the line.

Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier though and nor does it mean that I don’t still love him and miss him every day, but he just wasn’t the MOMD (Man of my Dreams).

Something else I am trying to understand and become comfortable with is that it doesn’t mean that I am too fussy either. I deserve to be with someone who allows me to be me and, whilst I am happy to make tweaks to enhance myself, if I can’t be true to myself in a relationship, then I would prefer to be single.

Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship? Share your stories here or on our Facebook page.

Sep3

The Art of Courting

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Being courted may sound old fashioned, but when you are the subject of a gentleman who courts you, the somewhat negative connotations of being “old fashioned” fly out the window.

Modern-day dating seems less and less open to allowing men to court women which is just so sad. But why? Why aren’t men hankering to show their prowess off when it comes to attracting women like they did in a bygone era?

I had a really interesting conversation with my dad, godfather and brother in law over the weekend who spoke of their disappointment that I live in an era where courting a woman is not something that is expected of men.

They often want everything now and, if women don’t offer it up, they move on knowing that the statistics are in their favour – especially in Sydney.

Many men expect that women will do things that were frowned upon “back in the day”, like take the reigns and organise romantic dates and pay half the bill on a first date (or the whole bill as I was forced to do a few weeks ago. I was faced with a man who simply stated, “I have no cash” as I looked at him dumbfounded and paid the bill to save face at my local restaurant which I had booked when he asked me to plan the date because, “I was a woman and so I’m good at things like that”. I know…why didn’t alarm bells ring then?!)

Now I am the type of woman who always offers to pay half, or takes my wallet out to indicate that I am happy to when I’m on a date with a man. My mum and friends always tell me I should just expect that the man will pay, they tell me that men want to and it cements their masculinity as the “provider”.

That just makes me feel really awkward though, especially if I don’t get “the vibe” from a guy. I mean if I don’t like them and don’t want to see them again, why should they pay for me? I would just owe them then wouldn’t I?

Anyway…back to courting. Let me take you on a walk through the past to Egypt in the 1940s.

I revel in the romance that my grandmother and grandfather shared. If you want to talk adversity, try being a Jewish girl dating an Armenian Orthodox boy in a Muslim country. The odds would be stacked against you on so many different levels but, regardless of all of that, my grandparents were determined to spend their life together.

Years ago when I first visited Egypt, I was proud to hear of the stories people still told of the romance between the jeweller and the dressmaker and I pictured them sneakily holding hands on the bus to get an ice cream together and sending each other notes in their lunch boxes to organise a secret time to meet.

My grandmother, an absolute stunner in her day, tells me that she treated him mean not to keep him keen but because there were so many men that wanted to date her…to court her…to prove that they deserved her affection more than her future husband. Lucky lady!

My grandfather won hands down though because he was persistent and he charmed her like no other man could. That is true love.

That is what I’m waiting for…

I can’t say I’ve been courted before but that is probably because I give in too quickly. I show my excitement and wear my heart on my sleeve too early in the piece, so the man doesn’t have to fight for me, he knows I’m interested straight up.

My motto has always been, why play games and why waste time?

If you read books on dating, they all tell you that this is the biggest no no. They all extol the virtues of treating ’em mean and keeping ’em keen but I just wasn’t built like that. I have difficulty being the bitch and acting disinterested when really I just want to see them and talk to them if I’m interested in pursuing something further. It just all seems so futile really.

The most impressive thing a man has done to prove his interest in ‘courting’ me was fly to Sydney from his home town of Adelaide to take me on our first date! What happened then? I agreed to exclusively date him the second day into his trip! I know…I’m disappointed just reading that back! Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last…long distance wasn’t his forte it seems.

The verb ‘to court’ implies that the process is a little longer than coming up with the goods on one date alone though.

Webster’s Dictionary defines courting as follows:

1. To endeavor to gain the favor of by attention or flattery; to try to ingratiate one’s self with.

2. To endeavor to gain the affections of; to seek in marriage; to woo.

3. To attempt to gain; to solicit; to seek.

4. To invite by attractions; to allure; to attract.

It may all sound very Jane Austen but I want to be courted…like my grandmother was. For when a man courts you and puts in the effort to win your affection, you have more certainty that they want to invest time in a relationship…not just a roll in the hay.

So that is my new promise to myself, to allow myself to be courted. Will patience become my virtue though?

Share your stories of courting here or on our Facebook page.

Aug28

The Romantic Comedy Challenge – Nat’s Entry

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So the challenge is on and the stakes are high! This is how it’s going to work:

My date from last week (let’s call him Mr Vaughn) challenged me to write a romantic comedy storyline to rival his based around a chino wearing guy we saw at Ivy on our first date.

* My story is below – if you like it, comment or ‘like’ this blog post or hop onto our Facebook page and ‘like’ the post on there.

* Mr Vaughn’s story will be posted straight afterwards and, if you like his do the same.

At 5pm Friday we will tally up who has received the most likes or comments on both Facebook and this blog site and the “loser” will have to fulfill the “winner’s” dream date!

We have set parameters so that when Mr Vaughn loses he doesn’t have to fork out for a romantic week in Hawaii but I know I’m going to get creative and I think Mr Vaughn might as well…if he wins of course!

So here goes…in all of its romantic, cheesy goodness. Beware…the cheesiness factor is off the Richter scale!

Nat’s Romantic Comedy Storyline

The year is 2005 and Cody is preparing for his HSC. He’s the guy everyone knows and loves…in the computer studies group at least.

The guy whom the other geeky types look to in their social endeavours because, out of all of them, he is the only one who could possibly break down the walls of the cliques at school and actually get a date to the Year 12 formal.

He seems to wear his intelligence with pride, whereas they all shy away from it and spend their time in the computer room designing new programming with the hope to be the next Mark Zuckerberg.
Facebook is fairly new to the cyber world and the computer studies group are confident that a networking site like that will make dating fair game for them since they can hide behind the facade of shiny profiles rather than needing to have the confidence to actually speak to the popular girls at school.

What they don’t know about Cody is that he has been crushing on the same girl for years though. His next door neighbour Isabella.

Isabella’s flowing dark hair cascades down her back and she has curves that no 17 year old should be allowed to have.

The constant flow of friends at her house is testament not only to her popularity but also to her bubbly, vivacious nature that is so infectious, everyone wants to be her friend.

That’s what Cody was though…her friend.

He had been relegated into the friend zone when they were younger…back when their two families would take holidays in the Gold Coast together.

His computer studies friends were so jealous that he got to share a hotel room with such a beauty, little did they know the torment it put him through.

Seeing her in her bikini frolicking by the pool with the other guys staying at the hotel, he saw how differently she looked at him compared to them.

How would he gather up the guts to ask her to the formal? If she said no, he would be gutted…and would never be able to face her again.

The challenge was on…he had to do it for the guys in his computer studies class. They lived vicariously through him, although he didn’t understand why.

With half the grade just having turned 18, word had spread around school that a few of the students were going to head to the newest rooftop bar in the city on Thursday night during their study break. Their exams were around the corner and they needed to let off some steam.

Cody was nervous, this was his chance to ask Isabella in the most romantic setting he could imagine. Fairy lights twinkled in the trees and the moon glistened on the pool that already a few of the jock types had pushed each other into fully clothed.

The stage was set and he was thankful that his Dad had taken him shopping recently to buy a new pair of chinos and boat shoes which he coupled with a blue checked shirt that his mum said brought out the blue in his eyes.

He was also thankful that his dad was the lawyer for the owner of this new bar and was right on board with creating a night that he and Isabella would remember for a lifetime…for all the right reasons.

He spotted her from across the pool, standing with the popular girls who were all giggling as the boys tried to garner their attention by showcasing their hot new dance moves.

The DJ made way for a live band on the stage in the centre of the pool and the Black Eyed Peas-inspired group got the bar pumping really quickly.

This was his chance…his lessons after school all led up to this moment…

The rif started and his dad’s client met him by the stage with a microphone. As he patted him on his back and wished him luck, Cody’s heart was beating at triple time.

He caught the eyes of his computer studies group who looked more nervous than he did and then he saw her.

Isabella.

Resplendent in her fuschia strapless number showing off her natural tan and, as ever, skimming her curves deliciously.

She looked at him with confusion as he stepped onto the stage, untucked his shirt, threw his glasses into the pool and broke out into the first verse of rap in the number one hit, “Don’t Phunk With My Heart”.

The Fergie wannabe lead singer whooped in excitement and gyrated against him like no-one had ever done before and the crowd cheered.

It was happening, it was really happening!

Isabella locked eyes with him swaying her hips to the music smiling that infectious grin that lit up her face and then it happened.

The popular boy Brendan had lined up his friends alongside the stage side of the pool and all at once they water bombed the band dousing them completely.

As they surfaced, laughing at their joke, security met them by the side of the pool, manhandling them out dripping as they yelled their objections.

Cody stood there on stage…dishevelled. Chinos stuck to him like a second skin, new boat shoes ruined, hair plastered to his face but that wasn’t going to stop him.

The music had stopped and there was an almost eery silence before the microphone squealed as if in terror of what may happen and Cody’s voice rang out over the crowd.

“Isabella, will you be my date for the year 12 formal?”

She grinned and yelled back, “I thought you’d never ask!”

Like this post either on this blog site or on Facebook if you want me (Nat) to win her dream date!

Aug27

The Romantic Comedy Challenge

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I’m always up for a creative challenge and I thought I would take this particular one public.

On a recent date, I enjoyed a night filled with chatting, laughing, people watching and, yes, if you read my blog last night, a couple of fireworks thrown in for good measure.

You see Thursday nights at Ivy welcomes the uni crowd and we had a ringside seat to all the action!

There were the jocks, the blonde bombshells in skimpy dresses, the homey g wannabes, the hipsters and there was the one token “geek-type” who let himself into his dad’s wardrobe, slapped on some chinos and boat shoes and tried out the preppie look. Bless…

The after-work crowd made way for the frat crowd and we were essentially the oldest people there…or at least it felt like it!

Did it dampen our spirits? Not at all, it made the night even more interesting as we people watched and created imaginary lives for those surrounding us…in between having drinks spilled on us of course.

What was interesting was watching the mating call of these young, nubile beings who were out for a good time trying to impress the opposite sex. It was akin to watching a David Attenborough documentary.

“The lioness roars at the lion who approaches her with some abandon, yet with a look in his eyes that says he wants to eat her for breakfast.” OK slightly gross analogy but you get the gist!

With all the makings of a Hollywood teen rom com, my date has challenged me to write a script based on the chino wearing male as the lead.The funny thing is that he has already accepted the challenge himself and presented it to me last night.

It was impressive to say the least and contained all of the makings of a hit teen chick flick…but while his might go straight to DVD I’m aiming for a box office smash with mine…and so the challenge begins.

I wonder if Vince Vaughn is available? As the cool teacher who helps transform chino wearing boy to a man whom all the girls love…